The following advertisements were on its walls:
- Welcome to Miami, "America's Friendliest City." Warning: local ordinances forbid carrying lead pipes or tire irons in a concealed manner. Just keep them visible. Have a wonderful stay!
- Irv's Pre-Passing Extended Care Home. Finest nursing home arrangements in the country. TV night every other Sunday. Bingo. Guaranteed digestible food. Irv says, "If you're waiting to pass away, stay with us today!"
- Phil's Pharmaceuticals is open 24-hours for all your drug needs. 53 varieties of addictive over-the counter chemicals flown in fresh daily. Ask about our Spring Break specials. We do not condone illegal drug use. However, bulk discounts on Valium clones are available this month only!
- RIOT GEAR! Explosives, weapons, armor. Brass knuckles, nunchuks, pipe bombs, switchblades, guns, bazookas, tanks, stealth bombers (24-hours notice, please). Senior citizen discounts.
- Luxury Accommodations are merely a brick's throw away at the Miami Fountainblooey Hotel. 28-story shatterproof glass atrium, fire-resistant deluxe suites. Every Thursday night is Singles Night at "The Castro Room." Valet parking, coat check, firearms rack.